Top 10 Easiest Ways to Kill Yourself
My attempted kill by frag grenade goes horribly wrong. If you want to grab the video from my halo3 fileshare, you can get it here (it's titled "multi flag CT. Shooting yourself in the head with a nail gun. Londoner Raymond Farrell—let’s pause a minute and give props to the suicidal creativity of the depressed inhabitants of the British Isles—fatally shot himself in the head with a nail gun in August, Hammering two nails into your head.
How to kill yourself like a man. I was applying how to kill yourself in style a job to become a suicide prevention counselor the other day, when the guy interviewing me started bitching about how boring his job had become. The only people he ever hears from anymore are 14 year old girls who try to overdose on Tylenol. How about killing yourself with some style? How about killing yourself like a man? Here are some manly ways to shove off this mortal coil, along with ratings atyle each category from 1 to Eat a tub full of beans: Manliness: 8 Style: 4 Awesomeness: 8 Mess: 5 What you need: a tub, enough beans to fill said tub.
How to do it: just dig in, you chunky son of a ho Keep eating until you can't possibly eat anymore, then eat some more. Your gut will rupture and you will shit yourself. The cool thing about this method is that it's not only disgusting to clean up, but you'll probably how many watts does a desktop computer consume so bloated from the beans choose Van Camp's by the way, not Bush's baked beans unless you like the taste of beans pickled in ball sweat that you how to paint wood veneer kitchen cabinets won't how to play songs on the guitar in the casket without some serious reconstructive surgery.
Guess who's footing the bill for how to call valencia spain from us one? That's right: friends and family. Just kidding. You have no friends. How to do it: strangling yourself with your own hands has long been thought impossible because when your body stops getting enough oxygen, kjll pass out and start breathing normally again.
Passing out while you try to kill yourself is like failing at failing. You're the one who has to deal with the embarrassment of having the paramedics finding your dumb ass passed out on the floor in a puddle of your own drool, as they begrudgingly take you to the hospital where the doctors would be so disappointed that one of them might try to strangle you themselves. And if they don't, ypurself me a call; I will. Kilp the late Vincent Price strangled himself to death.
Either that or lung cancer, but I can't be bothered to look it up. Eat shit. How to do it: this is similar to strangling yourself, but the difficulty level is hard. Harder than a priest at a playground. Step 1: Hold your breath. Step 2: Wait 10 minutes, then go to step 3. Step 3: If you are reading this, you have failed. How to do it: how many times have you tried to kill yourself with a razor blade by slashing up your wrists, only to be told "it's down the highway, not across the street"?
Then you listen to this advice and cut up your arms like some amateur dipshit who doesn't know what she's doing. Your boyfriend dumped you. You can't go on yoursepf you're the only person who has ever been dumped and this is the most painful thing kill has happened to anyone who has lived 14 consecutive years, so it's time for the solace only decapitation can bring you. Make sure to go all the way through the spinal column. Cadbury surprise: Manliness: 9 Style: 8 Awesomeness: 12 Mess: 8 What you need: ice cream scooper, cadbury eggs.
How to do it: spoon out your eyes with the ice cream scooper, and replace them with cadbury easter eggs. Then using any of the methods above, kill yourself. Your family may hate the suicide, but everyone loves cadbury cream eggs! Why disappoint your loved ones with plain old boring eyes, when yohrself can surprise them with chocolate instead?!
Try to do it around easter. The kids will have hours of fun trying to find the last two treats. How to do it: Step 1: Slam your head into the sidewalk. Step 2: Repeat. Headbutting is probably the manliest thing ever.
Not only is it useful for suicide, it's also a great way to break up with your girlfriend. For example, I couldn't find the words to tell my ex that our relationship was over, so one day while we were watching TV I headbutt her in the tits. Then I picked up my yourselc and left.
No awkward goodbyes, no "still friends" bullshit. Just a couple of bruised titties and a failed relationship. I rule. How to do it: find a hooker and inquire about her "ass buffet. If she does know what you're talking about, she shouldn't charge you more than 75 cents to lick her ass. You may even get away with not having to pay her since technically it's not sex unless you're gay, but I'm not sure if it counts if it's a woman.
Fair warning: not paying a hooker is considered shoplifting. Once you've done the mis deed, you may want to have some alcohol nearby. Make sure it's something strong like turpentine, because you'll be tasting a mouth full of funk and hookers don't always shit properly depending on their clientele. The tingling feeling in your mouth means the disease is working.
Just sit back and relax while your penis falls off and you break out in hives. Then just wait a few months and if the other diseases don't get to you first, the AIDS will. Talk about a cheap suicide! At 75 cents, you can't afford not to kill yourself!
That's it for now. Just remember: it's your suicide, have fun with it. French translation by Veejay Rampay. Available now! Join the mailing list here.
More From Thought Catalog
When you kill yourself, whether it be by overdose, or hanging, or drowning. Just remember, that when you take that last breath of yours, say those last words of yours, and think those last thoughts. How to do it: spoon out your eyes with the ice cream scooper, and replace them with cadbury easter eggs. Then using any of the methods above, kill yourself. Your family may hate the suicide, but everyone loves cadbury cream eggs! Why disappoint your loved ones with plain old boring eyes, when you can surprise them with chocolate instead?! For those willing to know, here are the 10 easiest painless ways of killing yourselves waltergretzky.com article is strictly for those who are looking into ideas for writing a short story. If you’re.
Do you hate your life? Do you think that suicide is the only way out that will stop your pain? Of course, I don't know your personal circumstances. I haven't walked a mile in your shoes. But I know what it feels to be desperate. There was a moment in my life when I didn't see any sense in waking up in the mornings.
I had nobody by my side who could understand me. I wanted to put an end to my suffering But I didn't do it. And do you know what stopped me?
There's always some possibility that it goes all wrong and you die an awful death. Or, you survive and live with a kind of physical disability, becoming a burden for someone who will have to take care of you possibly for decades. Self-protection is one of the basic human instincts. It means that your body will resist your intention. You can lose consciousness at the critical moments only to stay alive as a result. You might ask why then all those deaths by accident take place.
Another important criterion for your choice of the best way to kill yourself is the price. The method should be cheap. Self-murderers rarely want to invest into the process. So, here are 5 budget options, which are ineffective as well:. So, none of suicide methods can guarantee you secure and painful end to your suffering. Depression can cause us to have the most unhelpful of thoughts. It really twists everything and you need people to tell you what's what sometimes.
I know i do anyway. A rational voice amongst the irrational thoughts of depression. I want to end my life and I am trying to figure out the easiest way how and fastest I can't take it no more everything is falling apart I am all alone and can't do this.
I cant live anymore my mom and my dad doesnt even care about me. Itll be my birthday tomorrow. And im thinking of killing myself. My mom and my dad never fail to remind me and tell me that im a useless and a good for nothing child.
Their right tho. I want to end my life because my crush bullies me but I can't stop loving him and the people I love seem to stop loving me even tho I am very young I want to end my miserable life. Hey i am same but woke up freezing cold and alive my next is car and hose gas myself much better just driving to spot now goodbye to this fucking shit life rob. Today I lost the love of my life. She was my everything and she was all I lived for.
Now that she's gone, I feel like giving up I want to die how she died.. Monte Goodner why are you in here. You dont mess with someone that is depressed like that. You are a sick person. And should be put down yourself. Ask him why his mother didn't abort him earlier? Then shoot them both in the foot,so they are stuck together.
Walk away from toxic waste! Maybe get a tattoo that lives on the back of your ear while you hide out from cops. Never the less best part is you did Not have to go into a blindness,marriage with toxic waste. Heart will forget eventually. I don't want to die. But I am about to end up on the street again because I pursued my dream. It would mean that I will loose my pets, the only thing that really matters to me.
I have no friends or family that are interested in helping. To me this is just the only option left since I have exhausted all other. I am busy researching ways and getting everything ready. Should be within the next two weeks if I don't get help.
Idk but you could over dose, slit your wrists and then jump off a building or bridge. People think cutting your writs is painful but it's not you hold the razor hard against your writs and build up some Adrenalin thin with a hard quick motion cut it's not painful it's cold lots of blood but cold you loose conscience then if your lucky enough not to be found by a good goody that trays to save u that's it you feel nothing.
Carbon monoxide poisoning with my car in an enclosed space with the muffler ripped off and a tube from the exhaust through a cracked window while sleeping using sleeping pills. I may try that. I could even play some good music while I go. People are brutal on this site! I'm even more depressed now!
Thanks anon for the car muffler gas sleeping pill thing! Great idea! I am going to try that I hope it works I don't want to be here tired of the pain. Carbon monoxide and sleeping pills. A good combination to die. Will definitely try. Just make sure the hose your using doesn't melt off the tailpipe. I tried this and it melted. Literally write purple on a the cake. Follow instructions. Press delete button two times. Then talk about your fucking problems as if they are all most over.
Now may I please barrow some money for chocolate and a light bill? You people act like this is a joke. People are actually on here trying to find a quick and painless way to go.
And you fucks are making jokes thinking it's funny commenting that your on here because games aren't downloading or life is not worth it and to just go ahead and do it. You may not know the people on here but it does not give you the fucking right to post something so cold and heartless. It's people like you who make people like us hate this world and want to go. So fuck you, fuck all of you. I'll see you in hell you fucking racist, disrespectful, cold, pieces of shit. I'm actually on here trying to find a way to go, and it is pretty funny.
Is there something wrong with keeping the mood light? Racist, what? You rip into others for being selfish, but this post was only written so you could feel like a better person than people who see death and respond with wit.
Off to die now, try not to have a heart attack. I didn't just stumble upon here. I'm glad you can enjoy others misery. I feel like ending my life to day, I have was told o have ptsd and clinicAl depression, I feel terrible and really sweaty. Get really wasted and fall a LONG way to the ground. I know a lot of people are sad and suffering and we all get told to hold on and get help, to stay alive at all costs, to endure and endure and endure.
Sometimes the right move is to let go. The world is full of people and we aren't all special shining gems. We all live, we all die I'm not being facetious or flippant and those in indecisive turmoil or seeking help should really try to find it, not bail on life on a whim, but if a person has thought and thought and feels that there really is no better option, then maybe ending their suffering on their own terms will be their final act of controlling their lives.
I hope no-one reading this kills themselves because I have made a compelling arguement, but if you have decided, then be quick about it and try to limit the damage to your friends and loved ones. Don't leave a bitter or accusing note, don't leave a mess for someone to find, forgive all your friends even if they have had a hand in pushing you towards this and tidy up your affairs.
And for fucks sake, delete your browser history. Imma try the carbon Monoxide poisoning and the pills what a great idea damn I wish I thought of that when I was 10 now I'm 16 fuck yes finally found a way!!!!!
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